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I'm scared

Friday, September 12, 2008

I'm really nervous about tonight. What if it really sucks? What if everyone stands huddled in a big group and leaves me out? What if everyone stands huddled in their own groups and i'm left standing alone with no one to turn to? What if i fail to make friends? What if, what if, what if. I know it's normal to fear rejection, but i'm really, really scared.

And i know that i will go no matter what. It doesn't matter that i have already paid my share, because i must go. I will overcome this, i will face this challenge, and lord please, i pray to God i really will be confident after i'm done with tonight and that my self-esteem and self-confidence will still be in tact and not shattered out of humiliation and loneliness as a result of being ostracized.

I mean, i'm sure they're all nice people and stuff, but honestly, what if they just invited me to be polite? Surely they all have their own close friends that they wanna talk to already -- and me! How can i provide interesting enough talk that won't make them look past me and instead look at me?

Look at me...and see me.

Oh Godddd...

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5:00 PM