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Trepidation, speculation

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

I have this habit that started years ago, that every time i got angry, i'd stuff my ears with earphones and blast the music on so loud that only the music can be heard, nothing else. Not the irking voices of the people around me, not the stabbing words that i didn't wanna hear, not the thoughts that i didn't wanna think. Maybe it's because i have become aware of this habit recently, that when i employ this method -- it doesn't work anymore. My thoughts are now louder than the music.

Faulty earphones, perhaps.

I want speakers, of bass so effective that i can feel the continuous thump-thump-thump in the core of my heart, dictating the beat of my pulse, and vibrating in my bones. I would die to yank the wires of my current speakers out of its place and dump the whole set into the bin -- these speakers that turn the best vibrations of the beat into an apathetic and debilitated reverberation of no life and spark.

But then i would have no source of music at all, and that would be sooo boring because music occasionally, just occasionally, gives my world its splendor and colors. Ah, ah ~

Just a moment ago i felt so full of emotions; of excitement and anticipation and frustration and happiness and anger and everything, and i was a human maelstrom of emotions that was on the verge on exploding. I felt like a sea during a storm, and nothing could calm me down.

But now it's okay. Now I'm just caught up in a rush of discovering something new. Something rather unimportant to the person that writes here, but perhaps important to the person that everyone knows.

So it's okay. It's okay.

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10:34 PM