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News..

Monday, May 26, 2008

I am shocked, abashedly so.

All my effort put in, all those expectations, all grinding down to nothing.

My, my..

Now the walls around me are dripping with shame; disappointment surrounds me and flares with such vigor that it hurts, and it seems that the ticket i have chosen to get myself out of here is turning to dust before my own eyes.

But the skies are bluer than ever, and the moon is shining even more brightly than it did before. My dreams are still calling out, and all i can think about is no, no, no, no, no. No way in hell I'm giving up so fast. I'll try so much harder, I'll give it everything i have.

It's not over yet. Hell, no.

I attended an accidental talk yesterday. I didn't know it would turn into a talk, but it did, albeit a short one. I didn't listen, as usual, but crumbs of it fell into my little bowl of awareness. The lady speaking -- she loved singing, she loved dancing; yet she was told by her very own instructor that no one in the world could teach her to sing ("you're tone deaf!"), and she couldn't even count the beat of the music, much less dance. But, she said, she tried. She tried so hard, so very hard that where people tried twice, she tried a hundred times more.

Her point is that the effort counts for so much more.

A genius can't better a hardworking man.

Without putting in extra effort, a genius' ability is limited to the extent of his gifts, but one who is hardworking has an endless capacity to improve.

What more can i say? I am chagrined that my effort has come to this, but perhaps i just didn't work hard enough. Well, i will never forgive myself if my dreams end up being set on fire and its ashes stored in a box left in the back of my mind for the rest of eternity simply because i didn't try hard enough.

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10:25 PM